Not Quite Over This Yet

I know. You see the title and think, "Of course not, Deidre, this just happened." But I was flying on a cloud of peacefulness and that sort of high that you get when you are going through something tragic. The thing that helps you get through the worst parts and makes others think you are really strong.

I realize this 'thing' is the Holy Spirit, and I feel very blessed to have it. It's not that it is gone now, but I guess the reality of the situation is settling in and I'm coming down from that 'spiritual high' I was given to help me survive the worst of it.

I still feel blessed beyond belief (I can't possibly look around at my life and feel anything but blessed), thankful that things were able to fall into place in the timeline that they did (I am RH negative and we were able to get into the doctor in time for me to get the shot that could save future children), and I know we still have a hope and a future (My theme verse, Jeremiah 29:11, reassures me of this even more than the encouraging words of the doctor).

I've just had a rough day and a half (starting halfway through yesterday). Things that shouldn't make you sad, like seeing someone else enjoying time with their child. It seems ridiculous because it's not a 'jealous' feeling. You'd never wish the 'M word' on another person, and you don't want their child...You just miss yours. I know it doesn't make a ton of sense unless you've been there. I've had to re-explain it to my husband several times because he keeps thinking the word "upset" means mad or jealous and it's not.

This week, I just kept bobbing along on that happy, "I know everything's going to be alright," attitude and although I still know it's all okay and everything will be alright, I don't know. I guess I'm just having these little moments to help me mourn what was lost.

I went from being super busy around the house and at school to some finally quiet and still moments and that sadness started creeping up from around the corner, trying to take hold. The good news is, I know it won't stay and it won't conquer me because I have God on my side and He's been through far worse suffering and come out victorious--and he promises in Jeremiah 29:12 to be there for me when I call on him.

I'm not quite sure what the total point of this post is, other than to just share where I am right now, but I hope it helps someone. It's already helped me. :)

[Image credits: http://www.redbubble.com/people/melgoza/art/6862099-jeremiah-29-12 and http://www.etsy.com/listing/75966903/jeremiah-2911-print-cherry-blossom]